The one who doesn't want to commit

If the guy says he doesn't want to commit at this time, he's most likely in another relationship.

Trust your gut. Trust what your instincts are telling you.

He's most likely committed if he says he's not looking for anything serious. Even when you both already know that you're both attracted to each other. And it feels like at any sparkling moment, you want to lock lips with that person just to see if it is just sexual tension or if there's something more.

Don't give in.

Don't give in until you're Facebook friends. 

Until he introduces you to someone else in his life like a close friend, or someone from work.

Don't let him in your house if he can't even take you to a nice dinner.

Don't believe his bullshit when he say that he's just not the commitment type of guy - remember that he already had relationships before you and you know that you are an amazing AF of a woman who don't compare to other girls he's screwing.

Remember that you deserve the effort.

You have some much to offer. And you have everything to lose if you let him in your life or in your heart.

You deserve to be spent time with. 

Because you know that you'll give up your "free time" as well, that you'd give up on sleeping, being with yourself (peace and serenity), reading a book, doing your laundry, or spending time with family.

Why I love my solitary confinement

• SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP.

• NO one else to think about but my own problems like what will I eat for NOW? Do I need to shave? Should I change my bed sheets from two 2 weeks ago? Mainly allowing yourself to be filthy coz no one's watching!!!

• I can play on my own, watch series, movies, etc. and no one to tell me to stop watching it coz they don't like it - the remote control is yours!

• SPACE HOG! I own both sides of the bed! and my sheets are all mine with no one to tug it with and I can wrap yourself like a burrito! (Yay! More sleep!)

• No one will break my heart! I can meet up with anyone and cancel it if I don't feel like going coz there's no commitment involve.

• No need to worry myself with what to give someone special on monthsary/anniversary/birthdays, etc. And my money is all for myself ! (BUY THOSE SHOES!)

• That feeling that I don't need anyone just to be happy coz I am happy on my own.

• I can plan and not worry about someone else's schedule!

• I can wear whatever you want coz no one will tell me to stop wearing what I feel good in.

• I won't feel empty coz I would not give myself to someone who will NOT RECIPROCATE back anything and make me feel my worth!

• ALL I can do is love myself. Don't give a damn about someone who doesn't give a damn back. 

• Never get my heart broken! Yay! Free from pain! 

Me gusta cuando callas - Pablo Neruda

ME gustas cuando callas porque estás como ausente,
y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te toca.
Parece que los ojos se te hubieran volado
y parece que un beso te cerrara la boca.

Como todas las cosas están llenas de mi alma
emerges de las cosas, llena del alma mía.
Mariposa de sueño, te pareces a mi alma,
y te pareces a la palabra melancolía.

Me gustas cuando callas y estás como distante.
Y estás como quejándote, mariposa en arrullo.
Y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te alcanza:
déjame que me calle con el silencio tuyo.

Déjame que te hable también con tu silencio
claro como una lámpara, simple como un anillo.
Eres como la noche, callada y constelada.
Tu silencio es de estrella, tan lejano y sencillo.

Me gustas cuando callas porque estás como ausente.
Distante y dolorosa como si hubieras muerto.
Una palabra entonces, una sonrisa bastan.
Y estoy alegre, alegre de que no sea cierto.


I like you calm because you are absent,
and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you .
It seems that your eyes had flown
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things , filled with my soul.
Butterfly dream, you look like my soul ,
and you are like the word melancholy.

I like you calm and you seem far away .
And you are a moaning, a butterfly cooing .
And you hear me from far away and my voice does not reach :
Let me come with your silence.

Let me talk to you with your silence
clear as a lamp , simple as a ring .
You are like the night , quiet and starry .
Your silence is star , as remote and candid.

I like you calm because you are absent .
Distant and painful as if you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough .
And I am happy , happy that it is not true.

Just Another Heartbreak Love Story

Girl A   [1:12 PM]:

hey

Boy   [1:12 PM]:

Good morning!

Girl A   [1:12 PM]:

yup

I guess I've been holding this off too long

But do you still want to make this work?

Boy   [1:13 PM]:

Yes and no

i just cant do it the way you want

Girl A   [1:14 PM]:

what way??

Boy   [1:14 PM]:

we can talk after work to be honest

i am sure me trying to type it out

would just make you more confused

Girl A   [1:14 PM]:

no

i'd rather do this now

i've waited long enough

and i don't want to do be put off again

Boy   [1:15 PM]:

no worries..

1.) I am personally not fit for a long distance relationship..this is not your fault.

there is nothign you could have done

it is more a realization while being at home as well

hard questions..hard answers..

2.) I am especially not equip to handle with you..i have tried to call everyday..

be this crazy share person..

and i am not that way

this again..maybe issues with myself..but i just got a place by myself..living alone in HI

and well..i am protective of it now

i tried to be the call everyday..text etc..

and it doesnt work for me..

so when i say "Yes and No" i just mean i could continue to talk to you..

and who knows what the future holds..but i dont think i can be the true BF you want..

more like a friend..that does care about you..

but cant give you everything you need

Girl A   [1:18 PM]:

is that all?

Boy   [1:18 PM]:

pretty much

and i am g@y

jk on last part

Girl A   [1:18 PM]:

lol there's always half truth on jokes

Boy   [1:19 PM]:

hahaha

touche

Girl A   [1:19 PM]:

so, you don't love me anymore, is this what i think it is?

Boy   [1:19 PM]:

i mean...you said love in week...2..

so lets not get carried away

Girl A   [1:20 PM]:

huh?

carried away? wow

Boy   [1:20 PM]:

honey.

you are an amazing sweet caring person

there is nothing wrong with it..nothign you should change

but long distance wise..i am not the best fit for you

Girl A   [1:20 PM]:

then why haven't you wrote the letter of invitation so i can visit you?

Boy   [1:21 PM]:

oh yeah! ha..i think bc i was thinking the nurse thing from my client

would have helped

i did forget..sorry

Girl A   [1:22 PM]:

and there i was holding off the "reminder" so you wont see it as a task

Boy   [1:23 PM]:

i know..

not saying I am amazing person

Girl A   [1:23 PM]:

why would you even say you love me too if you think we are just being carried away?

Boy   [1:23 PM]:

i tried the long distance....

didnt work.

Girl A   [1:23 PM]:

I would have been okay with just playing around and living by the moment.

it didn't work?

why?

Boy   [1:24 PM]:

nope

Girl A   [1:24 PM]:

i actually thought we were doing okay

and just that you had a lot of things on your plate

Boy   [1:24 PM]:

but you freaked out too much

like after the first weekend..

Girl A   [1:24 PM]:

that was too much?

Boy   [1:24 PM]:

i was away on vacation..

i said you were great..nice..

didnt freak out..

we did video chat..

then you get all WHY ARE YOU NOT TALKING TO ME!

Girl A   [1:25 PM]:

and that pushed you away?

so, its my fault then? i tried too hard to make this work?

Boy   [1:26 PM]:

no..

see you cant see it as that way

i am very introverted ..and i still have things to work thru

but i am not there..

and i will just resent you more and more

Girl A   [1:27 PM]:

why would you even resent me?

Boy   [1:27 PM]:

bc you are making me share in a way i dont want to

that is the daily texts..calls..

you want calls everyday

right?

i dont

period..end of story

Girl A   [1:28 PM]:

so, that's not your way? i thought you were doing it becoz u wanted it too.

Boy   [1:28 PM]:

no way

and i tried to say it nicely

and i TRIED to actually do it

and in the end..i dont

Girl A   [1:28 PM]:

we were actually dong it your way. if it were my way, it would have been different.

Boy   [1:28 PM]:

oh i am sure

i would have been on facebook

Girl A   [1:29 PM]:

nah

not facebook.

Boy   [1:29 PM]:

look..in the end..idk where or what i want yet..

Do i love and respect you?

yes..i do

Do i want to be in a true relationship..no..probably not..

would i still like to talk to  you at work..

see how you are doing?

yes..

Girl A   [1:30 PM]:

so, no more Hunnybunny's visit to Manila part 2, I guess?

Boy   [1:30 PM]:

probably not

idk..right this minute no

Girl A   [1:31 PM]:

I wish you had told me sooner tho. It was agonizing for me. I hated that. I hated you for doing that to me. I thought you cared for me, like even just a friend.

But I can never really hate you

Boy   [1:32 PM]:

hate is a strong word

yeah..i dont hate you either..

Girl A   [1:32 PM]:

Again, thank you for your time. And love or what not.

I appreciate everything.

Boy   [1:32 PM]:

i do think you are amazing

Girl A   [1:33 PM]:

We shall end whatever we think is a burden to us, as I do not want to live my life unhappy.

I still think you are too. Regardless of your effed up ways of loving.

lol

Boy   [1:33 PM]:

HEHE

Girl A   [1:33 PM]:

So, thank you for the experience.

Boy   [1:34 PM]:

hey..all my ex's usually get married soon after

Girl A   [1:34 PM]:

The first ever white boy that I loved. (except for leonaro the caprio)

Boy   [1:34 PM]:

like if you get thru this sh!t..you are rewarded

Girl A   [1:34 PM]:

lol

and painted for! Thank you for the inspiration.

Boy   [1:35 PM]:

your welcome huh..

i am not going to forget you..

Girl A   [1:35 PM]:

I've actually never painted again since then.

Boy   [1:35 PM]:

you should continue..

one of the things i loved about ya

Girl A   [1:36 PM]:

oh i dunno. maybe if i get inspired again.

loved? lol

ok

Boy   [1:36 PM]:

hehe

past tense too much?

Girl A   [1:37 PM]:

Well, I still do love you. Whatever that means to you. I will always care and be a friend if you need one.

Take care of yourself. Don't get sick anymore. Enjoy life to the fullest! And always wear protection. <3

Boy   [1:38 PM]:

yes mom

hehe

Girl A   [1:39 PM]:

part of me is like... woohoo... single again! there are tons of guys and girls waiting. lol

but its like... okay.. no more hunnybunny.

Boy   [1:39 PM]:

hun..there is so much s3xy and amazing about you

it is not even funny

dont take me beign silly

and honestly..i am just admitting

Girl A   [1:40 PM]:

i know i am awesome.

Boy   [1:40 PM]:

to myself i cant hang

Girl A   [1:40 PM]:

cant hang?

Boy   [1:40 PM]:

hehe.idk..dont read into it

Girl A   [1:40 PM]:

wha

grr

"genie, you're free!" lol

Boy   [1:41 PM]:

there you go

just keep with taht

ladies..white boys.

Girl A   [1:41 PM]:

hahaha

Boy   [1:41 PM]:

take your pick

Girl A   [1:41 PM]:

i'll miss Gaston

lol

Boy   [1:41 PM]:

ill miss your whole body

Girl A   [1:41 PM]:

nah. maybe just gaston. and your chest hairs. and beard.

lol

Boy   [1:42 PM]:

beard is getting thick

Girl A   [1:43 PM]:

I'm happy we spoke finally. Atleast I can now sleep properly. I'll be fine. Thank you for this chance. And thank you for ending it well.

Boy   [1:45 PM]:

yes..there is not one bad thought/feeling towards

Girl A   [3:27 PM]:

i can't seem to function.

feels like i lost something good

Boy   [3:27 PM]:

?

no no..

you lost nothing

Girl A   [3:27 PM]:

but its over, right?

Boy   [3:28 PM]:

umm..in theory yes..in theory no

i guess you would be an "ex"

but if we can cross paths in another way in the future..

i still love ya

just sayin..not ending on bad terms in my mind..

just doesnt work at this time

Girl A   [4:38 PM]:

how did you ldr before worked? i mean you had another reason of why you guys broke up. Was I just too needy then?

Boy   [4:39 PM]:

again..

might just be that i cant handle it

Grow Together or Grow Apart

I'm not saying you're not doing anything to make this work. Because I do appreciate every little thing.

I never wanted to say this, and I've always opted to just bury my negative feelings... 

And maybe because I believe in us, in you, so much that someday you will miss me so much that you will want to find ways to introduce quality time in the LDR. Maybe why I was excited that I would finally go drinking beers with you after work today. As simple as that excites me. A lot.

First thing I thought I'd do was to make you answer some quiz about finding out what works for you, and then eventually let you know what works for me. I think you're smart enough to realize the point of the whole quiz.

To know what your partner's love language, to understand his or her needs, and fulfill them. Maybe makes a stronger relationship.

Doesn't seem to be demanding to me, but I'm not sure if you will feel the same way. 

Because I do want to be your go-to person, your best friend, your hangout buddy, your sounding board, etc. And normal relationships do talk for hours and not just "how's your day?" Or ""what are your plans tonight?" Longer hours because they both want to develop that stronger connection to each other. Emotional connection. 

That's why other ldr people developed creative ways of staying in touch and defying distance, talking longer hours, sharing their simplest shit, and why you see other people hooked on their phones.

I was afraid that it will all come to this when you said (and I do respect that!) you are not that type. And I appreciate every single text messages, phone calls and pictures you've sent. 

But I do want more.

Do we wait until we are with each other to let the quality time and those things happen? 

I'm torn between sending this message to you or not. After all, im the infinity lord, destroyer of the metropolis. I don't want to change who you are at all. I'm only trying to suggest what could make this situation better.

But I have faith in you..in us. And I hope this will lead us to a better relationship together. And because #HappyWifeHappyLife.

I'm probably already drunk done swimming in tears when you read this.

Soliloquy

Sometimes I feel like you just don't have time for me. Like you have time for everything else but not me. I'm a confident person in a lot of aspects. And right now, I think I'm losing my mind. Am I wrong? I need to know I'm wrong. Or maybe I just need to know I'm important to you too.

I keep the faith. Believe me, I do. But sometimes I just have to know if I still matter to you the way (I think) I did before. I don't know how to tell you. I don't want to let you know that I've been going thru this. I just couldn't demand more coz it seems like it push people that I love away based on my experience. Sometimes words become empty when it's not partnered with actions. I tried everything. I've tried silence. Talk to friends. Paint and paint some more. Get into another hobby (calligraphy). But nothing else suffice to fill in my heart longing for you. Been too long without me even seeing a single strand of your hair. I miss you so much. I don't know what to do anymore. So I guess I'm telling you.

Hearty beginnings

Happy Valentines Day everyone!
It's been almost 2 months since my last blog entry. And I am very grateful to announce to the blog sphere world that I have been dating someone.

He knows that I am a "hearts and flowers" kind of girl and he did not let me down.
He sent me a nice bouquet of yellow and white Malaysian Mumps through an online delivery found in the Philippines.


I feel very blessed to have someone who loves me.

The note reads:

HAPPY BDAY HONEY! I KNOW NOT ROSES, BUT THIS MORE REMINDS ME OF FIRST DATE AND WATCHING THE SUNSTET AND YOUR PAINTINGS THAT I DO LOVE.
I LOVE EVERYDAY YOU ARE A PART OF MY LIFE.


Him:
Did you get anything from me?

Me:
hahaha
yeah

Him:
sweet! it worked!
i was a bit nervous

Me:
thats why i sent u an early morning message
hehehehe

Him:
haha..what i figured..
glad you got them in time

Me:
the oh gosh message
hahaha

Him:
:)

Me:
you're awesome!
^_^

Him:
nah..you're great hun..
lady needs some flowers on vday
i just am neve rinto the basic roses..i know they are pretty..
etc..
but i am nuts..just roll with it

Me:
lol
it makes sense =D
the message that came along with it

Him:
nice..glad you love them

Me:
well, you don't seem to be the cheesy type, and i wasn't really expecting anything... so its a big big gesture for me what you did

Him:
not day to day cheesy no..hehe

Me:
thank you very much, hun. you don't know what it means to me.

Him:
happy hun
you deserve
it
a wonderful lovely woman!!
my lovely woman right now..
but in general..special

Me:
yeah that's right. yours.

______________________________________________________________________________


In general, here's what I've learned from the past 12 months of being single:

Love is the most addictive drug. And every time you lose love, it is much like going through a withdrawal syndrome from a toxic substance. But heartbreaks are a great thing too in a way that it can inspire and motivate you. I have been painting much much more since the time I became single.

Dating is a bitch no matter where you are, so do your own thing, and the rest will fall into place.Elite Daily article

You have to know yourself. Have your own little world and have a life of your own. Don't be afraid to spend time alone as you will discover more things about yourself when you become your own focus. Be able to set goals for yourself and actually achieve it.
So that when you enter a relationship, you wont feel any danger of losing yourself. Or if you go thru an inevitable breakup, your world wont crash.

Find something that would make you happy that no one can take away from you.

And the rest will all follow.